Interesting how the mind works.

Last night some of my children and grandchildren came to dinner since my sister, her boys and my Mom were here to visit. I had been busy getting dinner ready and plates and such. When all the people were there and all was ready, I stood there waiting. Waiting for what??? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Everyone was there. In the recesses of my mind, we weren't ready to eat because Joe had not come in yet. Come in from the barn, come up from downstairs, come out of the bathroom . . . . wherever. The thought didn't really make me sad, it just made me realize what a subconscious part of my daily routine he was. Even though I knew I wasn't waiting for him, ritual said we were. There are some parts of this new life that just can't be changed. Knowing that makes me realize I don't really want or need them to.