6 months and still Alive but not Living

I'm so frustrated today. It is the 6 month anniversary of losing Joe. Sometimes it seems like he has been gone forever and the next he was just here yesterday. I thought I would be doing better by now. I seem to be crying more now than I did a few months ago. Why? I ache, I hurt, I'm panicky, I'm lost. I have friends who have lost their spouses in the past and I am so sorry that I couldn't have comforted them. But if you haven't experienced this, you would have no way of knowing the enormity of it.